If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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