Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
