No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
