Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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