Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
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