Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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