She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm way too hungover for life right now
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
