just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
