as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
