That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Randomize
