Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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