Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
