his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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