How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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