so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
