Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
