sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Semen is not good for contacts.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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