During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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