apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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