We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
