The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
