when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
i need to put some appletini on your dick
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
