At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
