The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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