I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
