Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
