Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Boobs speak an international language.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
