Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
