Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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