I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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