He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
