I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
