Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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