i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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