if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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