he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Bring me that man meat
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Never underestimate the power of titties
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
