I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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