Where are you?
In a non slutty way
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
MIDGETS
????
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
