he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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