Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
