from now on my penis is your penis
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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