i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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