Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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