...so i touched it.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
