I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Randomize
