..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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