Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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