I CAN MOONWALK!
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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