Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
