Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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