I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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